TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
