she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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