this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
