she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
