if you like me you must not know who I am
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
