Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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