i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
