Tell her she can't have a vagina
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
