Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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