I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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