so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
