you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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