I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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