Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
