that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
