do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
