I puked a lego.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
