You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
