On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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