Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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