He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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