Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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