So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
