eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
