i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
