She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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