listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
