Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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