addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Holy sore nipples Batman
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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