Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
