I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
