did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
