he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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