If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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