Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
