this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
