Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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