go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
