Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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