you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
