Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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