He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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