bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
