Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
