Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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