I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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