I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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