The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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