New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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