Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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