So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
