i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
