Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
